A Woman's Place is in the Kitchen
... or any other place she damn well chooses.
March 8. Every year, there’s a celebration. How could a celebration ever be a bad idea? As the saying goes, a celebration without a cake is just a meeting! 🍰 Well, the issue is that here at the Intentional Table, we celebrate much more often and recommend that you do, too. (If you read to the end, you will get the message about the image above.)
What is this celebration? Do I get a day off from work or school? Will there be champagne and those little chocolate-dipped mystery nuts that are so delicious? You're getting closer, but we need to have a conversation first. Have a seat!
International Women’s Day (IWD) can be metaphorically mapped onto the Hero’s Journey, a storytelling framework by Joseph Campbell, in powerful ways. Now, if you know this work, you may be asking yourself that this is generally a story about a man on a hero’s quest. It’s even used by men’s groups as a guidebook, along with "Iron John: A Book About Men” by Robert Bly. This is NOT an attempt to recreate a woman’s experience into a man’s. This is an attempt to honor the hero, or in this case, the heroine of every story, and let me tell you, they have been relegated to the shadows for just about as long as we men have been in charge of this joint.
Below, I am going to use the word heroine a lot.
It has always been my stand, as a man, as a soldier, that I will stand for those who are disenfranchised, oppressed, and suppressed, treated with malice when there should be adoration, and systematically had their own beingness removed from them as “less than.” Read that again if you need to.
Just like a heroine embarks on a transformative quest, International Women’s Day represents a collective and ongoing journey toward equality, recognition, and empowerment.
This represents a significant leap for my mind and heart. I present it with the utmost respect for all women everywhere. Here’s how the stages of the Heroine’s Journey align with the historical and ongoing fight for women's rights…..
The Ordinary World → The Status Quo
In the heroine’s journey, the protagonist begins in their ordinary world before recognizing the need for change. Similarly, before the women’s rights movement, society largely accepted gender inequality as the norm. Women faced legal, social, and economic restrictions, lacking the right to vote, work freely, or make choices about their own lives. Now, as you just read this, what occurs for you? We have two big ideas here. That before the ‘women’s rights movement’… wow. I did this on purpose to see if you would notice. We are not speaking about the women's rights movement in the United States that began in 1848 at the Seneca Falls Woman's Rights Convention. That is like last week. We are speaking about for the last 6-8 thousand years. Then, also, there is the issue itself, that gender or any other thing that you can point at is used (weaponized, as they like to say these days) to divide and conquer all of us. This is a larger issue.
If you pick one topic that uses our separateness as a tool, you will see it. Are you a different color than me, religion, language, or gender? Do you have a pimple on your nose? They will use ANYTHING to remove your autonomy and place you down. Down where you cannot attest to the power and cataclysmic consequences that we now all face at the hands of the powerful (men) who are about to blow us all up over nothing.
If you cannot see, refuse to see, or are complicit due to your worldview of what is happening in our government, society, or the world right now, you are sublimely disconnected from the generational, systemic denigration of our human beingness.
This is an all-skate! (Cue the disco!)
"We'll never solve the feminization of power
until we solve the masculinity of wealth." ~ Gloria Steinem
The Call to Adventure → The Awakening for Change
A heroine is called to step outside their comfort zone and face a challenge. In the fight for women’s rights, this “call” came from early activists who recognized injustice—figures like Susan B. Anthony, Emmeline Pankhurst, and Sojourner Truth. The push for suffrage, fair wages, and bodily autonomy marked this awakening. Several women in my life had this call that they shared liberally and generously with other women and with me, as well as anyone else, with the eyes to see and ears to hear. The poetry and prowess of Alice Walker, the searing “wake the fuck up art” of Sue Sellars, the poetic rapture of Caron McCloud, and Irma Jean Gruse, my mother, the surgical nurse who stood me up at 12 years old and had me recite all the bones in the human anatomy, learn 3 years of Latin and a year of Greek in high school, because it mattered, are all towering legends of personal strength and rapier intelligence.
Refusal of the Call → Resistance and Barriers
Many heroines initially resist their call due to fear, doubt, or opposition. If you are a man and reading this, you have literally no idea (nor do I) what I am speaking about. How could you? I have watched this as an observer and am simply reporting what is obvious, if you are paying attention at all. You do not have the organs that create the chemicals that allow you access to feel what is felt in her body while she is afraid and get this, she is afraid, a lot, perhaps every day. Now, why put yourself in harm’s way like that? Because it matters. You live in that kind of trauma response for that long and see
Likewise, women’s movements have faced resistance at every stage—whether from societal norms, oppressive laws, or even internal fears of backlash. Suffragists were imprisoned, women seeking education were ridiculed, and feminist movements were labeled radical.
“Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be
fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture,
society, and all personal relationships.”
― Andrea Dworkin, Our Blood: Prophecies and Discourses on Sexual Politics
Meeting the Mentor → Finding Allies and Guides
A mentor helps the heroine understand their purpose and gain the necessary tools. Women’s movements found mentors in one another—feminist leaders, supportive men, and global allies. Figures like Malala Yousafzai, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Gloria Steinem guided others through legal and cultural battles. A dear, dear sister to me and beloved Shannon Thompson, who passed away last year, taught me much about RBG. She had a photo of the two of them together. Real heroines, in action, making a change. She fought tooth and nail until her end for her cause.
Crossing the Threshold → Taking Action
The heroine fully commits to the journey. Women have crossed many “thresholds,” such as gaining voting rights, entering the workforce, breaking into politics, and fighting for reproductive rights. Each victory represents a step into a new reality and, quite possibly, quite likely, probably, a new ass-kicking. Do you have this kind of courage? To do it when you know that you are painting yourself a target? Women do this every day when they enter the world; perhaps when they open their eyes in the morning, they know they are in danger and being preyed upon. They do what they do anyway. Now, that is courage. This transcends race, transcends all aggression, and is the single root of our issues of healing this planet and its peoples.
Tests, Allies, and Enemies → The Struggle for Progress
A heroine encounters obstacles and adversaries. Women’s movements have faced continued tests—equal pay struggles, workplace harassment, systemic bias, and legal battles. Allies emerge in the form of organizations, activists, and supportive policies, while enemies include regressive laws, discrimination, and cultural resistance.
“And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see - or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read. ” ~ Alice Walker
The Approach → The Climax of the Fight
The heroine nears a defining challenge. Today, women’s rights continue to be at a pivotal point. Issues like the gender pay gap, reproductive rights, and violence against women remain central struggles. The world watches as movements like #MeToo and feminist activism gain momentum. It astonishes me that we have to resort to media, marketing, and populism in order to achieve any kind of justice. This, friends, should be our way.
“The most common way people give up their power
is by thinking they don't have any.”
~ Alice Walker
The Ordeal → Facing the Greatest Challenge
Every heroine has a moment of crisis before transformation. The fight for equality often faces major setbacks—repealed rights, backlash against feminism, or political restrictions. However, these struggles also serve as turning points, strengthening the movement.
One thought about this that is salient: How in this world, or any other, would you give your sovereignty over your body, mind, and being away? If you expect that someone other than you will be a better steward of your being, you have been inculcated into a wreckless and fatal future. Reserve yourself and protect your soul. Even I am begging you to do this.
The Reward → Victories and Achievements
After the ordeal, the heroine receives a reward. Here, we refer to that as 'the boon.’ Women’s movements have achieved voting rights, legal protections, access to education, and leadership positions. Although the journey isn’t over—goodness, it has barely started in earnest—each success represents a milestone in the broader battle for gender equality.
The Road Back → The Continued Fight
A heroine must return to her world transformed and prepared to inspire others. While victorious in many respects, women's rights movements acknowledge that the fight isn’t over. They persist in advocating for progress, understanding that each generation must push forward.
The Resurrection → A (New) Era of Empowerment
A final test ensures the transformation is complete in the heroine's journey. Today, the fight for gender equality is reaching new heights through intersectionality, inclusivity, and a global push for fairness. The emergence of new leaders and policies signals a resurgence of the movement. Now, you might wonder what I mean by resurgence. You are paying attention, aren't you? This is a tide, much like an ebb and flow with surges and recessions. Unfortunately, it requires refreshing from time to time. This is the nature of all things in nature, however. Until it becomes our way, each time it comes back around as ‘new,’ may it improve in its fruition. That would be a great thing and a worthy effort.
The Return with the Elixir → A Better Future
The heroine brings back wisdom and change to their community. International Women’s Day aims to inspire continued action, ensuring the benefits of gender equality are shared across generations and cultures. The “elixir” is a world where everyone—regardless of gender—can thrive. Wouldn't it be wonderful if these constraints were removed? What freedom!
I will paraphrase Steinem here when she said that the end of gender (or any) bias will be the day we no longer have to even mention it. It will not exist.
The Never-Ending Journey
Like the heroine’s journey, the fight for women's rights is cyclical. Each generation encounters new challenges and fresh opportunities for progress. International Women’s Day acts as a checkpoint and a call to action, reminding the world that this journey is ongoing.
Now, the ?? about the seal…
The lady you see in the portrait is a Selkie. In the Celtic tradition, women have two natures. One is as you see her, and one is a wild and untamed creature of nature. A force, a compelling allure to that which the wild heart knows and desires of freedom call us towards. I have known and loved a few wild-hearted selkies in my life. They have loved me in return, and I assure you that I am as wild as they come in my heart. I need no re-wilding work for men. They can follow me. Thus, the wild ones find me, and I them. My eyes do flicker with a reflection of the sea when I am truly interested in the perfection of your speaking and lossless word.
I have not always been as careful of a steward of this secret garden where the wild soul of women dance. It’s taken my luddite self a bit of time and wisdom. It sometimes comes as typical that other men cannot see this magical creature in her fullness, as our overculture and worldviews are too small. Despite every man having a mother, there seems to be no wise counsel. Perhaps they will find that in me. I will be a voice among them for us all. I am no apologist, but I am an ally and advocate.
It is said that during specific full moons, she and her sisters emerge from the sea, shed their skins, and transform into human women to dance and sing beneath the moon, celebrating the connections among all creatures. I have seen these women do this with my own eyes. At the North Sea, the old mother herself in Denmark, in the mountains, the classroom, the vineyards, and the hills of Tuscany. I am a witness to the power of our sacred companions on this Earth and in this life.
Women, heroines all, be free, hold your autonomy at all costs, and know that somewhere, there is a created possible future that holds us all in equanimity.
Pass the cake.
Jonathan McCloud
Saving you a seat at your mother’s Intentional Table.
Ally...thank you.
.."the brutal misogyny which permeates culture" is agony indeed.